Seems like life's been put on a "holding pattern." Really need GOD to ARISE -- "Stir Myself Up in The LORD," 1 Sam 30:6. I've never suffered from depression before in my life, I'm around my folks who are "church-going believers," and I'd feel bad leaving them, but thankfully they have a new (more inspiried, less legalistic) pastor -- But I feel I was in the right spot at the Ministry Center w/ three corporate prayer meetings, Isaiah 62:6-7, (Something I am Called to) evangelism opportunities, jail outreaches and other community available. They overcame the devil by 1. The Blood of The Lamb; 2. The Word of Their Testimony, and 3. Not Shrinking Back from Confessing Christ to The Cost of Their Earthly Lives, Rev 12:11. "Evangelism" is another one of the things I must do to, Rev 19:10, 2 Tim 4:1-2, 5, 1 Cor 9:16.
Here I have a little outreach to my folks, about two 20 minute prayer meetings per month and outreach is very hit and miss, about every other week. I'm spending time in the word, attending church 2 times a week, but my own prayer life has gotten dull, and my favorite thing to do is watch biographies and movies of past missionaries and reformers, watch things like "Finger of God," "Holy Ghost" and other movies where people are out doing the work...
Obviously I am grieving and processing a LOT, and have fallen behind in duties, but I know how I've survived and thrived in the past -- being around active ministry. It's the burning stick kept near the burning fire idea. It's just the way I'm wired, and quite honestly, called. Please ask GOD to strengthen me with power and might, 2 Pet 1:3-4, 5-6, 7-8; Eph 3:16-17, 18-19, that the times w/ my youngster are blessed, 1 Thes 2:11, and I have ability to re-organize, delete, forget what lies behind, do things, not "neglect meeting together, Heb 10:25, finish what I need here and get back to where I'm called. Thank you in Jesus' Name