🧎🏽♂️Time to Mourn or Grieve, Ecclesiastes 3:4, 6, A time to search and a time to give up as lost; A time to keep and a time to throw away." Jesus, I ask for the comfort You promised to those who mourn, Matt 5:4... Lord, it's obvious I need help... I confess I rought this situation upon myself by letting myself be deceived by an imposter, 2 Tim 3:13, not heeding at least 5 warnings or red flags, being literally too drunk, Eph 5:18, and stupified by the wine of the passion of immorality, Rev 17:2, then marrying too quickly in order to avoid sin, 1 Cor 7:9...
I pray others forgive me and I forgive myself, having been shown mercy last summer, freely receiving repentance unto life and truly turning from those sins with grief and hatred of them, embracing the free love of God and being restored to the calling of an evangelist and encourager, the gifts and callings of God being irrevocable, Rom 11:29, what God has cleansed, no longer call unclean, Acts 10:15.
I have a call of God to fulfill, Phil 3:14, had married a false believer too quickly who left me 16X, stole a large sum of money, has had adulterous affairs, ran from biblical counsel, broke vows, has online hook-up profiles, pictures with other men on her phone (at LEAST 5, some holding my child), has lied about it all especially the adultery, the pictures about the other men, the money even after I found all the varios accounts she had made even using aliases, transfers to other peoples' accounts and receipts and transfers of income, pictures and has broken commitments to biblical counseling, seminars, church attendance and continues to keep her profile up, totally unresponsive to calls, texts and video, not even permiting video contact (in another country that doesn't respect international laws).
Though I'm still connected to The Vine, and praying for her to be saved, Rom 10:1, and bearing some fruit, evangelistically -- I need healing, Isa 1:6, and HAVE to be FILLED with the knowledge of Your will to even know how to move at this crossroad so I can WALK FORWARD in a worthy manner, Col 1:9-10. Pastors there and her one saved family member say move on -- even that family member was deceived by her sister -- so does a pastor here that knows their culture having a wife from the same country -- yet some believers and AI responses pray for restoration and tell me to keep holding on, and I am stuck in the middle, unable to basically do anything but seek God, pray, listen to Word, listen to Biographies and witness... Theology is very "all over the place" in these matters, some strict, some loose, some balanced -- but my situation is definitely under the category of "conscience" and considered on an "individual case basis" form ancient times to present (from those who know both God & the Word and are acquainted with the devil, and who "don't shoot their wounded soldiers," like Job's friends turned it all on him, [God rebuked Job's friends, btw, for not speaking what was right, no record of confession as Job recorded, see Job 42]; We are called to restore them, Heb 12:13.
Again, it's not like I left her, haven't tried to be Hosea, haven't tried to be Christ, and don't have biblical grounds to move forward -- I just lack the emotional and psychological strength to do so since I am so convinced God wants to and can save anyone... The pastors who know her country and her disposition best are saying it's over -- it would be an international divorce case with a child involved, and the country doesn't really honor international law and I can't even explain how much of a mess it would be and the steps and time.
It's also not like I'm pretending I've been righteous -- I had a massive repentance, deliverance and recommission from grace over 10 months ago at an Evangelism Training. It broke off two long term besetting sins, and still deal with anger and have been praying for help saying the right things the right way at the right time, Jn 12:49...
Extra grace to forgive myself, strength of Holy Spirit to have Christ's love, protection from lies, evil, Zeph 3:13, evil people, 2 Thes 3:2, imposters, deceivers, 2 Tim 3:13, temptation to sin, Lk 11:4, temptation and the evil one, Mt 6:13, Jn 17:15 who never sleeps in an opportunity for him to grind those with an evangelistic or missionary call (any believer for that matter, 1 Pet 5:8-9).
The Lord teaches us to specifically not give excuses, Matt 22:5, like "I bought land or oxen and have to go see it or try them out, Luke 14:18-19, or even, "I married a wife and therefore cannot come" Luke 14:20, to whatever he calls us to, whether the wedding supper of The Lamb, or the call to go into streets, then the highways and even hedges and COMPEL people by the LOVE of CHRIST, 2 Cor 5:14, to come to the marriage supper of The Lamb, Lk 14:21-24 -- Jesus actually teaches Discipleship costs us anything and everything we hold dear if it competes with Him or His calling, specifically naming things we are taught to hold most dearly, (See Mt 19:29, Mk 10:29-30, Lk 14:26).
So kindly -- please pray -- kindly try to suspend any judgement, Rom 8:1, as this has been an ongoing trial for almost three years now and it weighs on me, and we are told to not be weighed down in the last days, Mt 13:22, Mk 4:18-19, especially Lk 21:34 “Be on guard, so your hearts will not be weighted down with dissipation, drunkenness or the worries of life, and that day will not come on you suddenly like a trap; 35 for it will come upon all those who dwell on the face of all the earth. 36 “BUT keep on the alert at all times, praying that you may have strength to escape all these things that are about to take place, and to stand before the Son of Man,” Lk 21:34-36.
With thanksgiving we make these requests known to God, trusting the peace of God that passes all comprehension will guard our hearts and minds in Christ Jesus, Phil 4:6-7. Thank You in Jesus' Name, Amen, 2 Cor 1:20.